I think something that is unique to the arts industry is the need to have a thick skin. Rarely (actually it probably hasn't happened) does an artist put something out into the world that does not receive some kind of criticism--merited or not.
When marketing anything, there is always a target market. This is the type of consumer that you know will like your work, that you know will be interested in what you're offering. But when you walk into a bookstore, all those books on the shelves aren't listed with a "target audience" disclaimer.
This can lead to confusion. It can lead to hurt because people on the internet are not always kind with their words. And it may boil down to the fact that they are reading a piece that was never intended for them to enjoy.
That's not to say that anyone who has anything negative to say is just outside the target audience. But it is something to be aware of when criticism gets back to us.
Know where the critique is coming from.
Neil Gaiman said:
Remember: when people tell you something's wrong or doesn't work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.
Criticism needs to be taken with a grain of salt. The first feedback we often receive is from people we trust. Either alpha or beta readers and CPs. In this way, we can often trust what they have to say. But it's also important to know what their preferences are, what genres they read/write in, etc.
Only receiving criticism from someone who reads and writes non-fiction exclusively probably won't give you the best advice on changes for a book that is Middle Grade Sci-Fi. It's still worth hearing what they have to say, what they like and dislike, and if you agree with the points they made it's entirely valid to to make those changes.
But it is important to ensure that we are applying criticism from the right people.
Everyone has an opinion, and everyone's opinion is valid. But not everyone's opinion is helpful.
Separate your worth from your words.
It can be tempting as an author to ignore a lot of criticism because we know our story best. And while that may be true, that doesn't mean that we know how to make it the best that it can be without outside help.
There's an element of separation needed to receive criticism gracefully.
Our worth is not found in the content that we produce.
As such, it's important not to take revision notes personally. I've found myself getting defensive of my choices before, of ignoring good suggestions because I was convinced that I knew better. But the thing is, I was hearing those suggestions as personal criticism. As in, "You are not good enough because your writing isn't perfect in the first (or second or third) draft."
Not being able to write a perfect first draft is inevitable. And my self-worth is not tied to that fact.
Know the story you're trying to tell.
Someone once said to me that there are three responses to criticism: the garbage, the desk, and the heart. This was in reference to character, but I feel like it applies well in this situation as well.
The idea is as follows: Picture yourself sitting in an office and the criticism is on a piece of paper. When you look at it, when you examine where it's coming from, the intent with which it's being shared (to harm, to help, etc.), and the actual content, where would you place it?
The garbage is for criticism that is not helpful. Either it was given with the intent to harm, or it's simply not applicable to the situation. Some reasoning along those lines.
The desk is for the things that need further consideration. The criticism may have been given with the wrong intent, but the content is good. It may not be accurate to the situation, but there are pieces that could help.
The heart is for the things that we know need to change. These are the critiques given in earnest with useful content. These are the things that we can hold on to, that only make the story better and help to build each other up.
This examination is important to hold up to the story. You know what story you're trying to tell, and placing these critiques beside it, doing this examination, can help us to determine what changes are worth incorporating. Because the truth is, as the author, we do know our story best, and throwing in every suggestion from every reader will probably make things worse, not better. As would not changing anything at all.
Surround yourself with people you trust.
This is so important. Sometimes our ideas can get lost in the noise, or we can begin to doubt ourselves. When this happens, we need a community of people to remind us that we know what we're doing.
We need a sounding board for our own thoughts. Is this worth changing? Is this what I'm trying to do?
This is where critique partners and beta readers are crucial. Making long-term connections is a great way to ensure that you always have those people that will support you when you need the extra encouragement. Or brainstorm when you need that little push forward.
I would be nowhere without my CPs.
Putting our heart and souls on the line for others to comment on is a challenging thing. As writers, it's just a reality. Know that it is hard for all of us, and you're not alone in second-guessing when all those revision notes come back.
It's also important to say that if this is too hard for you, you don't have to stay. Maybe writing isn't the career for you, and that's totally okay. There aren't many people in the world who would love to have their work torn apart regularly.
But I believe in you. I believe in the story that you're telling, and I can't wait to see it on the shelves.
Happy writing,
Erin